Sunset - A Parody Tale
by rusticsky
Summary: A Parody take on an earlier fanfiction of mine. It also parodies warriors as a whole.
1. Prologue

**EXTREMELY Important Note: This is my late at night writing.**

It was early nigh' as cats gathered in StarClan. They were awaiting someone special to arrive, but many were impatient. Specifically a dark grey, long-haired she-cat, who was known as Yellowfang.

"Why won't the damn tom ever show up on time? This proves she-cats are one hundred percent better! We don't need no stinkng toms!" Yellowfang was a bisexual feminist who liked to complain.

"Calm down, Yellowfang. Toms are what makes the world go round," Bluestar was a straight, anti-feminist she-cat who abandoned her kits. Her grey fur was for some reason called blue, and everyone rolled with it. Yellowfang rolled her eyes.

"You are so darn frustrating, Bluestar!"

"At least I'm not gay."

"Shut it, Blue _fur!_ I'm bisexual!"

That's when everything changed. Excitement filled the air as a fiery red tom materialized in front of everyone.

"IT'S FIRESTAR!" someone yowled.

"It's good to see me, isn't it?" Meows of agreement spread. "Oh, no need to respond, that was rhetorical."

"Shut it with the speeches, you ginger skunk butt. We have something far more important to say than you thinking the world revolves around you."

Firestar blinked, confused, "I thought it did."

"You are as blind as a newborn kit."

"Firestar, there is a prophecy, and it's extremely important."

"It's pretty damn important if you ask me."

"You can cuss in heaven?"

"Shut it."

" _Oak, Willow, Dark and Squirrel will have powers that only compare to the stars, but it is up to them if they use them for good or evil."_

"Huh I wonder what Oak, Willow, Dark and Squirrel means," Firestar shrugged.

"No one knows," sighed Yellowfang, a bit paranoid. "Firestar, you must return. Sandstorm is about to start kit-"

"Son!"

Firestar turned, and gasped, "Dad?"

"Yes, it is I, Jake!"

"Seriously, Firestar you need to go," urged Yellowfang.

Jake stared at his son. The gay tom could see the joy in his son's eyes. "I'm gay, son, and you are bisexual. I didn't love your mother. I love Tallstar. Farewell, my boy." Suddenly, the stars around Firestar disappeared, leaving Firestar in his den at 1 AM. A yowl sounded. _Omigod, Sandy's kitting!_ He rushed to her aid, finding Cinderpelt already at his mate's side. It was hard, but Firestar watched as the kits slipped out, one by one. _My my, they're beautiful! Three she-kits (eww) and one tom! Let's hope the she-kits are all mighty warriors and-_

"Firestar? The light ginger one... she may not survive." Firestar's joy faded away. But the oldest, a dark she-kit, scrambled on top of her, warming her. "She's so weak and cold, but hopefully the oldest will look out for her."

"I sure darn hope she will, because it's extremely cliche for one kit to die."

Cinderpelt murmured, so Firestar couldn't hear, "it's more cliche for them all to live."

Sandstorm licked each one carefully, with several annoyed mews from the oldest, who just wanted milk. "I think we ought to name them."

"Yes, that'd be smart, so we have something to call them."

"Shall we start with the youngest?"

"Yes."

Firestar immediately knew what to call her, "Oakkit!" Sandstorm agreed. It was perfect.

"She's so soft hearted, and so is the name Oak. Perfect. Now, the next one, the bushy tailed one?"

"Squirrelkit? Get it? 'Cuz her tail's like a squirrel's?"

"Not funny, Firestar, but I agree, that's a good name."

"May I have input too?" asked Cinderpelt, "I have a good name for the next one."

"What, kid?"

"Horsekit."

Both Firestar and Sandstorm were disgusted. "Eww!"

"Our kits are too special to be named something trashy like that!"

"What's wrong with the name Horsekit?"

"It's… barbaric!"

"Uh, no it's not, there _have_ been cats named Horse before and it's completely normal."

"Well, we don't want our kits to be _normal!_ Now, Firestar, shan't we name it Darkkit?"

"That's perfect. His fur is so red that the name fits like the perfect shoe."

"What the hell is with y'all and metaphors?"

"We're supposed to be in Britain, Cinderpelt. Y'all is-"

"I have an American accent, you Scottish cats," hissed Cinderpelt.

"Actually _I'm_ Irish-" Sandstorm began, but Cinderpelt hissed again.

"You know what I mean!"

"Now, for the eldest, how about Willow?"

"Yes, I can she'll be swift like a willow tree in the breeze!"

"That's a simile, and you don't know tha-"

Both Sandstorm and Firestar hissed, "shut up annoying critic!" Cinderpelt rolled her eyes.

"Now, Sandy, let's be off to sleep then, eh?"


	2. Chapter 1

"Today's the day we finally see the world!" purred Willowkit excitedly, "Otterpaw promised me he'd sneak us out of camp!"

"The day you get killed because you were rebellious I'm going to laugh in your face," Squirrelkit hissed. "You can count Dark, Oak and I to be staying in the nursery while you go on your big adventure."

"Well, you're missing out on a whole lotta fun!" Willowkit purred, and began to exit the nursery when…

"Where do you think your going?" Greystripe said, blocking her way.

"I, uh, need to use the dirtplace!" she lied quickly. Graystripe clearly didn't believe her, but nodded.

"Then be on your way," he eyed her suspiciously as she trotted on. She found Otterpaw near the freshkill pile.

"Get your ass over here! We meet to get going before-"

"Otterpaw, time for training."

"Brambleclaw, can't we train later?" Otterpaw groaned, "Willowkit here wants to learn a fighting move." Otterpaw was a terrible liar.

"You won't be able to teach her if you don't know any."

Otterpaw shrugged, "that's true." He turned to me, "it'll have to wait, sorry Willowkit." Willowkit slumped her shoulders. _Great. Now I'm never getting out of here!_

Willowkit scurried away, until she spotted a concealed stump right outside of camp. She couldn't get in trouble for going there. But then she realized it was Yellowfang's stump, the old medicine cat. Her dad had told her about the stump. So she went and put her two paws and worked her way on top of the stump. She laid down, content.

"Kit, get outta my den!" an old, scratchy voice came out of nowhere. Willowkit turned her head to see a almost see through fluffy grey cat. She gasped.

"Are you a ghost?"

"Yes, of course I am!"

Suddenly, Willowkit heard yowls coming from camp.

"You need to stay here, Willowkit."

But like the dumb cat Willowkit was, she ignored Yellowfang's advice and went towards camp. Cats bloodily fought, causing Willowkit to gasp. What in the name of StarClan was happening?

"Willowkit, stop standing there like a moron and do something!"


	3. Chapter 2

I could barely believe my eyes (yes, we're in first person now) as Firestar flung himself on a light brown tom, causing a strange red liquid to pour from parts of the other tom. Then Firestar had that weird liquid. Otterpaw stood in a corner, confused as three kits cornered him. _Go Otterpaw!_ I silently cheered, standing in one place. Firestar said do something, so I was silently cheering. _Oh wait, maybe I should attack! I've always won kit fights, so I can obviously take down an apprentice!_ A pitch black apprentice came rushing towards me.

"I'm the best WindClan apprentice and my goal is to kill you!"

"Why?"

"ShadowClan said so, and we must follow their directions exactly!" he had a English cockney accent, extremely different from my Scottish accent.

"Why would ShadowClan want to do whatever killing is to me?"

"Are you really that dumb?"

"Uh, I guess, whatever dumb means. I've been called an asshole and a damn fool before, whatever that is."

"I'm almost tempted to not kill you so you can know what killing is before you get killed."

"What's your name, you big meanie?"

"I'm Crowpaw, clearly. Don't you know anything?"

"Yeah, I know your name."

"You're so Scottish," Crowpaw's claws slid out, so I unsheathed mine too. "You realize I am going to inevitably win and _kill_ you."

"What _is_ killing?"

"It means… I make you die!"

Crowpaw flung a paw at Willowkit, but Willowkit dodged it easily (back to third person, y'all!) She swiped at Crowpaw, causing him to bleed. There was a deep cut on his neck.

"Gah! I know not to mess with Firestar's daughter now!" and Crowpaw scurried away.

"Take that, bia* #!"


End file.
